Pranking Pop-Tarts

August 24, 2012

For the sake of privacy, the following story will exclude some names. However, it is the 100% Truth. It’s the story of how we Pranked Pop-Tarts…

*Perhaps one more dreamy transition?* (I promise I’ll find a better way to slip into stories…someday…)

It was a Friday night, I believe. The air wasn’t cool, nor was it warm. It was perfectly centered at a neutral temperature that simply couldn’t offend the skin. There wasn’t much of a breeze and I don’t remember there being a cloud in the sky. It was the perfect night for a heist of epic proportions. A couple of Cross Country guys and I got together that night to enact a plan. A plan…to cover a teachers house in toilet paper. However, there was more to this plan than meets the eye…

We met at Applebee’s, a sacred meeting ground for mischievous evil-doers all over the world. I ordered an Oreo Milkshake. This is where we made the best laid scheme of mice and men…but we did not intend for it to go awry.

After our business at Applebee’s was done, we all piled into a few cars and drove to the local Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart was our supplier of cheap toilet paper…

Hang on. I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s back up here. We met at Applebee’s and pretended to make a plan to cover a teachers house in toilet paper. We went to Wal-Mart and only bought about a dozen rolls of toilet paper because we didn’t actually intend to use that many. Because whatever we threw…we’d be cleaning up a few minutes later. You see, the teacher we were going to TP…knew of our plans. But we knew that they knew. They were supposed to know, you see? No…maybe not yet. The thing is, everyone knew that the teacher knew…except for Pop-Tarts (a friend of ours). Is this starting to make sense? We were going to TP a teachers house, but they were going to be ready and waiting for us. The only person who didn’t know that little fact was Pop-Tarts. We fully intended to scare the living daylights out of him.

So, we had our plan. We had our toilet paper. And we had our destination.

After quite a drive, we finally parked, piled out of our few cars, and jogged about a quarter mile to the teachers house. Everyone played their part very well, pretending to move quietly, acting as if we actually had to be careful. Toilet paper soared through the air, thrown by begrudging teenagers who dreaded having to clean all of it up in a few minutes. We didn’t have to wait long, though. We had only been at this teachers house for about 5 minutes when, all of a sudden, we heard the pounding of feet. Everyone bolted. Most of us could barely control our laughter and we were cackling as we trotted away. The teacher went straight for Pop-Tarts, chasing him almost all the way back to our cars. Story goes, Pop-Tarts only stopped after he peed his pants in fear…Maybe that part isn’t true. Either way, Pop-Tarts did stop running once he puzzled together what had happened.

The night had been a success. And now it was time for a celebratory bonfire. We drove our cars into our teachers driveway and helped set up lawn chairs around a happy campfire. We spent the rest of the night taunting Pop-Tarts, eating s’mores, and shooting the breeze.

Don’t be mistaken, Pop-Tarts was definitely a close friend of ours. And he still is. That’s the thing about friends. I think the more able you are to pull a friends leg, the closer you are. Civility is almost synonymous with unfamiliarity. A real friend isn’t there for constant support. A real friend is there to challenge you to grow as a person, they can point out your flaws. A real friend is one who you can prank with the knowledge that they’ll still be there after they’re done getting chased down a country road by a “furious” teacher. A real friend is someone you can bite. And they’ll bite back.

We wait every day for Pop-Tarts rebuttal.

-Brian Wiegand (An Idiot, A Superman in training)


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