The Battle of Masterpieces

September 10, 2012

One of my best friends in the entire world is Zach. Zach is a guy I can tell anything and receive no judgement. Zach is a guy I can look up to. Zach is a guy I can count on. Zach is a guy I love to have by my side. Zach is a guy who I can make fun of…and he can make fun of me right back. Zach is…Zach. He’s my Zachie-Poo. And I love him.

Friends like Zach are important. Any Idiot could tell you that. Life isn’t…Life when you go through it without someone to share things with. And that’s why I’m so glad I have Zach. Most recently, Zach and I are going through our Senior Year of High School together. Also, as of this year, Zach and I are partaking in the Battle of Masterpieces. Let’s go back…oh, I don’t know…to Seventh Grade really quick…

I was sitting in Computer class type-type-typing away when my teacher, Mr. Bussies, suddenly said: “Well, hey there, Mr. Quartermaine.” I looked around and saw a burly man with short-cropped, black hair standing in the doorway.

“Hey, Mr. Bussies, mind if I talk to the kids for a second?” the man, Mr. Quartermaine, asked.

“Go right ahead.” said Mr. Bussies.

I don’t really remember a whole lot of what Mr. Quartermaine said…but I do remember one thing:

“…By your Senior Year, we’re trying to make sure that every student in the High School has some kind of personalized computer.”

I sort of forgot all about Mr. Quartermaine saying that…until last year…

“Have you heard the news?” said almost every student in Gull Lake.

“What?” said all the other students.

“We’re getting iPads next year! All of us! We each get one!” And so it went.

Word of the technology initiative that lead to these iPads spread quickly. Students had mixed reactions. Many argued that these devices were a pointless waste of money and they would only distract us. A few stood up for the Apple technology and claimed it would be useful, they were the minority, though.

A few weeks before School started, the members of Student Senate (that’s me) got to receive their iPads early. We were the guinea pigs to see how quick the iPad Rollout process could work. Anyway, I got my iPad. And it was awesome.

It still is awesome. I love my iPad. I feel like I’ve put it to good use. Especially with the Battle of Masterpieces…

And so we come full circle. Back to the Battle of Masterpieces.

I create Zachsterpieces. And Zachie-Poo makes Braintings. Which means, we use our iPads to create beautiful portraits of each other and send them to one another through the iPads iMessage system. Of course, because Zach and I are model students (Jeez, I can’t believe I typed that with a straight face), we only do this in passing time or at lunch…right.

This post is to show you the Latest and Greatest of the Zachsterpieces and Braintings…

Let’s begin now…

It all started with this…

 

A picture of Zach. And this…

 

A picture of me. And at this point, there had been no fouls by either party…until Zachie-Poo sent this

 

Zach’s always been a line-crosser. That jerk. As if I would ever grow a mustache. So, I sent this…

 

You bet I made him feel pretty silly. Ha. What a chump. Then Zach sent me this

 

I suppose that one was from a friend of ours, Grace…but it came from his iPad. Clearly, I couldn’t take such an insult. So, I sent a barrage…

 

First, Zach Potter. I should clarify, I love Harry Potter…so, I don’t see how this one was quite an insult…

 

 

The Zach. Ha! As if Zach would ever have such a “chiseled” body. (Sculpting pun.) In all honesty, though, I appreciate Zach’s physique…that’s okay to say…right…?

 

Another classic, the Zach Lisa. Notice the professional craftsmanship of the photoshop…I’ll bet Zach was feeling pretty silly now.

 

And now we see Zach Wiegand. In other words, we see Zach as me! How absurd. Zach was totally regretting that mustache now.

 

I felt like there was more too the Zach Potter story, so I created Zach Potter Goes to Hogwarts! Look how happy he is in his little boat…Ehem! I still totally hate Zach, though…

 

And I ended the barrage with The Last Zach-Bender. An instant classic. Again, this one wasn’t very insulting…oh well. Then, Zach retaliated with his second Brainting…

 

To be honest, I’m not really sure what that is…but I find it insulting…for some reason! So, I sent back…

 

That’s right. Brian and the Creation of Zach. I made him. He owes me. Instead, he humiliates me with mustaches!

 

A healthy Meme reference this may be, but it doesn’t compare to what I sent him next. My piece de resistance…

 

Third Wheel Teel. Enough said.

 

Followed by The Last Zupper. And then…

 

Hope for Americans: Zach Obama For President. Only two problems: No one would vote for Zach. And Zach isn’t Black…

 

Another Meme reference. I’ll admit…that one was okay.

 

As if I would ever wear that dress…

 

Our revered Cross Country Coach and feared AP Chemistry teacher…Mr. Portis…transformed into Brian Portis…! Zach’s work had to be replicated…

 

Zach Portis Sits at His Perch. Classic. Zach responded with another Grace-assisted post…

 

Me as Grace. The most amusing aspect of this piece, however, is the girls expression in the background…”WTF” indeed, Zachary. “WTF” indeed.

 

Lastly, I did this. Zach as Zach. Because, truly, the highest insult would be to, of course, put Zach’s head on his own body. Ha!

And that’s as far as the Battle of Masterpieces has gone. Of course, Zach and I are still on speaking terms for now, but our conversations are generally very thick with deceit. Our mouths are very civil while our eyes plot the next humiliating scenario that we will put each other in.

Perhaps the Battle of Masterpieces will never be won. Who knows?

All I know is that it’s been a great way to start of Senior Year with one of my favorite people in the world. Zach’s been by my side for seven years. I’ve been by Zach’s side for seven years. Maybe one of the worst things about knowing that High School is ending is knowing that Zach and I will reach a parting of the ways. Already, the odds of us going to the same college are slim.

I don’t know what the future holds. But I know one thing. One thing that someone very wise told me once…

“It doesn’t matter if it’s 20 days or 20 years…there are some friends that you just hold on to. There are some friends that could call you years from now, and it would be like you’d seen each other just yesterday. There are some friends who you’d always be there for.”

I’d like to think I have a few friends like that…

One in particular, though, is Zach.

Zach is my friend, through and through.

He’s my Zachie-Poo.

And I love him.

-Brian Wiegand (An Idiot, A Superman in training)

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